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Over the last few years I've been making this funny joke about how I am working Step One--as in "Step One, Get Date". While the joke was definitely funnier the first thousand times I said it, I really think a series of steps is a good way to approach things. Have I ever mentioned how much I adore a good list? And steps are basically a list of instructions! Anyway, I've been thinking about this recently and decided that if I'm going to keep making my Step One joke, I should also maybe be putting it into practice--attempting to move on to Step Two. Grand plan there Amy, but what is Step Two? How many steps are there? What are you after here? After much thinking on the subject I have come up with Amy's Six Steps to Living Happily Ever After. In 1/2 as many steps as a recommended to give up an addiction, you too can fight over who's turn it is to take out the trash!
Step One: Get Date.
I'm really single, but I've been working this one for years. Misleadingly simple, while working this step you meet a possible object of your affection and plan a social outing. At the end of this outing, you may decide to schedule another outing, or you may realize you would rather gouge out your eyeball with a rusty fork than ever spend another second with this person. Unfortunately, the latter seems to be more common. Keep trying. Statistically, if you work Step One long enough, you've GOT to find someone worth taking to Step Two--at least this is what I keep telling myself. I've been single a long, long time.
Step Two: Get Boyfriend (or, I suppose, Girlfriend).
You've been out on a few dates and you haven't scared each other off with your loud chewing, horrible taste in footwear, coming on way too strong, or whatever other reasons people have for wanting to gouge out eyeballs with a rusty fork at the end of the first few dates. Now you have made it to the point where you are both thinking maybe you want to stop the Step One cycle and test the current of just one person. It's not super serious, but you are dating exclusively. I hope to get here again someday.
Step Three: Get Serious.
Here is where you do things like meet each other's families, start bandying about with the "L" word, and probably irritating your friends with your goo-goo eyes and dreamy smiles. Get a room, or ...
Step Four: Get a House.
You're serious about each other, you are in love, you still aren't sure that this is it forever, but you are spending all your time together anyway and somebody's apartment is sitting empty with some smelly leftovers in the fridge. Suck it up, merge those finances, and see if your shoe collection will fit in the same closet as his. Chances are high that this step will doom the project. You maybe on a superhighway back to Step One, but wouldn't you like to know about his inability to stick a dish in the dishwasher before you are legally bound together?
Step Five: Get a Ring.
Somebody proposes, somebody says yes, you both lose your minds (and your shirts) while trying to figure out how to get that carpet of yellow roses over the roof of the church.
Step Six: Get Married.
You made it, and you had a party to celebrate. Now get on with living happily ever after. Hopefully. It's hard work, they say, but so was all the rest of it. You've worked the steps. You're prepared.
There you have it. Anybody got any quirky, dorky, cute single friends of the male variety? Even though I made the list, I'm still stuck on Step One.
